“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
“I think I deserve something beautiful.”
“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each others personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it"
I remember a few months ago making the crazy request to Life that one day I might be brave enough to have love become real again. And I don't mean the capital L love, like Love for Life. I don't mean that. I mean Lover love.
of Loving with a man...and I mean the real kind of loving of present person, the kind of loving that is actually with you in the arena of true intimacy, loving a present man, a man that stays long enough to really “see you” without a drive to change you, or skip over you, to look over you or look past you...of that kind of loving with a man, I made the insane request of loving with that man. And it happened. I'm loving with that man.
I didn't know that fully knowing myself, that journeying into the depths of my very soul, would show me the parts of me that I most appreciate. The ones I rely on to get through when I need strength to carry the pain of what it means to be a human living in a world where mom's get sick and need our strength, where kids get hurt and need our strength, where our own souls get beat up and need our own strength. I didn't know I would find Love there. And I didn't know that finding that place inside of me would show me the things of me that I am most scared of, that makes me hide from the Magic I stop seeing, that makes me doubt the Grace that always is, that makes me run from the Beauty that surrounds me. I didn't know I would also find Love there. I didn't know that the journey of discovering this Soul would make the standing in the true intimacy of being fully seen by the man that is looking at me, the bravest act of loving with a man.
I am loving with that man that stays long enough to fully see all of me.
I didn't know that loving with a man would be so scary and so sweet.
I guess I didn't know a lot of things until I let him in. And then I moved in with him.